Nitro Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfK6U6N-AhQ Lyrics: (Verse 1)I'll blow like a meth explosion, causin flesh erosionArrive like 2012 with less commotionYou feeble like stunts performed by Evil KinevalDeceiving the people receiving evil thru needlesBelievin its needful see me thievin the peacefulReleasin spirits fear it, my lyrics are lethalChallenge me to battle, I'll hit you with punchlinesNot rhymes, I'll punch you 'till you [expletive]in flatlineRemeber that when you advertise your nameHip hop is a form of art, skill overlaps fameYa'll stail, frail, sellouts for net-salesI wouldn't feel your verse if you wrote it in brailYou suckin up dirt like major record labelsIt's sad like when a DJ pawns his turntablesI'm mentally unstable, creating rap fablesThe second my voice transmits thru the mic cable (Chorus)For MC's knowin how to use a pen rightFor hip hop head's showin love cuz its tightFor those willing to read inbetween the linesFor the OG's shaving nickles and dimesFor sparkin up L's every day and twice a nightFor semi-automatics that have a short sightFor my slick words that cut sharp like a knifeThis be the realest shit you heard in your life (Verse 2)AsIll's sicker than diabetics with HIVThat's why my white ass can bless the MICStep to me, post-Big L MVPAnd I'll lay you in the dirt, bitch RIPDoctors are scared of my possessed PsychologyCuz I alienate God like ScientologyIn school I was a nusiance who fluiently ruined studentsWith loosened nooses, bones snappin thru it, spewing fluidsWhen I flip, I empty fully loaded clipsThat'll dye your shirt red like a color blinded cripMy insanity spills feels like a cavity's drilledThrash humanity's shield with my Rhapsody spielPhysacists, lyracists and cosperacistsIll break it down like this, mankind's in fear of thisI'll birth a verse so dark it'll make you slit your wristsThen I'll take your work like illegal citizens (Chorus) If you got a YouTube account, please sign in and comment/hit the like button. I completely wrote and produced this song, using "The Realest" instrumental by Mobb Deep (Alchemist instrumental). First time I ever wrote a chorus too, although I used the template from the actual song. Lyrics are much, much crisper than my Dead Presidents one. Enjoy! R/H Edited April 14, 2011 by Nitro 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Well, your lyricism is amazing. Your flow though is a little weak kinda as if you were just reading it instead of rapping it. I like it though man, shit is deep homie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Tzu Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 ^ I agree with .50. I felt the flow could get a bit of work on but I was feeling the multis and lyrics as a whole. Good work bro. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamerGuy Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Paul was spot on in his post. Your flow and rhythm is better here than in your first song, and I'm sure as you keep making songs it'll continue to improve. Keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish7718 Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) It's like your rapping in iambic pentameter or sumthin, obv not iambic but u get the point. RAP IT DON'T SPEAK IT. Listen to some biggie tracks then go to work on your flow my man, you can a lot better with these lyrics. Edited April 13, 2011 by Pinkie Pie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted April 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 I honestly put as much emotion as I could into those lyrics, I am just really, really monotone. But, thanks for the comments everyone, I'm taking notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JYD Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) I honestly put as much emotion as I could into those lyrics, I am just really, really monotone. But, thanks for the comments everyone, I'm taking notes.Yeah, that's the problem. You need to deliver the lyrics with better flow and delivery. By that I mean, more emotion and sound like you actually care. The monotonous tone is a huge problem if you want people to take you seriously as a rapper and you wan't to try to sell your art in the future or become known. Perfect example of how J. Cole pours emotion into a track, his flow doesn't just stay the same. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLFPB_lqnuY&feature=related Your lyrics are very cool man, but no one would [expletive] wit you if that's the way your going to go on the track. It's so boring. Edited April 13, 2011 by JYD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted April 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Oh, and another thing- the chorus is meant to be a little monotone as it's recreating what the original song is like. I'mma re-record this song tonight, and master it and whatnot. I'll have a new version up soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 message me back nitro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted April 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 I completely redone the song, every single lyrics. I took your suggestions and put every ounce of energy into putting emotion into the verses, and IMO they sound 10x better. The revised version is in the first post...feedback regarding the new version would be much appreciated, I think ya'll will like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guru Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 Much better. Keep working on the flow though, some parts are still a bit choppy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamerGuy Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 That revised version does sound much better. At the end of the song, there's about 35 seconds of silence...I'd cut that out, make it so that the song ends just a bit after the final beat becomes inaudible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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