Chicago @ Baltimore

[alcstarheel]

Chicago @ Baltimore
Location: M&T Bank Stadium
Time: 1:00 PM ET
TV: FOX

[ChosenOne]

Ravens-Bears game moved to 4:15ET Sunday

 

This week's Ravens-Bears game at M&T Bank Stadium has been moved from 1PM ET to 4:15ET due to expected heavy snowfall.

 

Moving a game so close to Sunday is fairly unprecedented, but Ravens club spokesman Kevin Byrne says pushing back the kickoff will allow more time to clean off the streets, stadium, and parking lot with lots of early-day snow in the forecast. Luckily for fantasy owners, there are no major "questionable" players in this game. Devin Hester (calf) and Mark Clayton (hamstring) are listed as doubtful to face Chicago. Derrick Mason (finger) is probable.

 

Baltimore Sun

[The Regime]

No way does Chicago win this game. If the playoffs started today the Ravens would be a wildcard because of the Jaguars loss to the Colts last night. The Ravens need to keep their feet on the gas, and push through these next three weeks. They could easily go 3-0.

[reno]

So this game might get moved to monday night, either on fox or espn. Bears are still in chicago.

[Lkr]

So this game might get moved to monday night, either on fox or espn. Bears are still in chicago.

Bears should just forfeit

[ChosenOne]

Cutler is already off to his normal stuff throwing picks.

[ChosenOne]

lmao another int that is 2 picks in the first 2 possesions.

[The Regime]

great win for the Ravens, unstoppable at home

[reno]

Aboard the starship, The S.S. Halas, six Bears rise out of their suspended animation chambers: CULTER, FORTE, BENNET, HARRIS, PEANUT, and SGT. BRIGGS. They step out onto the cold floor of the locker room.

 

BRIGGS: Alright, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious week with the Bears! Every game a playoff, every snap a highlight! I love the Bears!

 

CUTLER: Aw, man, is it time for another game already? I’m still sore from last week.

 

BRIGGS: What do you want me to do, Cutler? Fetch a cold tub for you and give you a rub down?

 

CUTLER: Gee, would you do that sir? I’d like that.

 

BRIGGS (pulls down the skin near his eye with his middle finger): Look into my eye.

 

CAPTAIN LOVIE enters the locker room, along with LIETENANT URLACHER, his arm in a sling, and ANGELO, dressed in a civilian’s suit.

 

BRIGGS: Ten-hut.

 

The Bears snap to attention.

 

CPT. LOVIE: At ease. Men, we have a tough job this week. We’re dropping into Baltimore.

 

CUTLER (snickering): Baltimore? I thought football died there years ago.

 

ANGELO: It did. But it went through a team-a-forming process, where a dying franchise is transplanted to a new location in order to have a better chance of winning a Super Bowl. It’s what we call a roll-and-Bowl colony.

 

CPT. LOVIE: Now we have reports that Baltimore is controlled by some ferocious Ravens.

 

CUTLER: Ferocious ravens? Man, are we gonna play some football or go bird watching?

 

The Bears laugh and high-five each other. LT. URLACHER steps forward.

 

LT. URLACHER: I’m glad you think this is so funny. But I’ve seen what these Ravens can do when they’re defending their turf. And I happen to know that these Ravens are in the middle of a Playoff Hunt.

 

The Bears stop laughing and grow quiet.

 

BENNETT: Playoff Hunt? Boy, I’ve only read about those.

 

PEANUT: They’re pretty scary, man, let me tell you. I was in one years ago.

 

URLACHER: They are scary. The hits are harder. The screams are louder. The tension more unbearable.

 

CUTLER: The hyperbole is more hyperboleable.

 

URLACHER: Just get in and get out with the win. Don’t try and be cute.

 

CPT. LOVIE: Get ready to drop in fifteen minutes.

 

Cutler raises his hand.

 

CPT. LOVIE: Yes, Cutler?

 

CUTLER: How do I get traded to a team to a playoff hunt?

 

BRIGGS: Secure that stuff, Cutler!

 

The Bears head into the drop ship. The landing craft drops down through a rough set of clouds, finally coming near the landing site, which is covered with snow and ice. They ship opens and the team bus rolls out of the landing bay and through the snow, heading toward the stadium. It stops in front of the stadium entrance.

 

CPT. LOVIE: I want two teams. Briggs, Harris, and Peanut, you’ll be on Defense. Cutler, Forte, and Bennett, you’re on Offense.

 

The two squads depart. The stadium is surrounded by huge mounds of snow. Cpt. Lovie watches the action on video monitors, looking through the cameras mounted on the Bears’ helmets. The Bears talk to each other through their headsets.

 

FORTE: What happened here? I thought Baltimore was supposed to be warm.

 

PEANUT: Man, it’s colder than my old girlfriend.

 

BRIGGS: Cut the chatter, we got a job to do. Let’s stay frosty.

 

CUTLER: No problem, Sarge. I’m freezing my Orioles out here.

 

On the transport, Cpt. Lovie and Urlacher discuss tactics.

 

CPT. LOVIE: I’m going to order the offense to pass heavily. I want to lob some bombs and catch the Ravens by surprise.

 

URLACHER: What? That’s not what Bears do! We should go in by the ground, shove the ball down the Ravens’ throats, and let the Defense finish them off.

 

Cpt. Lovie looks at Angelo.

 

ANGELO: I agree with Lt. Urlacher. He’s been in more playoff hunts than we have. He knows what he’s talking about.

 

CPT. LOVIE (speaking to the squads): This is the captain. I want the Offense to go in first, Forte on the point. Cutler and Bennett, you cover him with short, controlled passing bursts. Defense, you follow. I want no lobbing of bombs, repeat, no lobbing of bombs.

 

CUTLER (making a face): Aw, man, I wanna throw it deep.

 

BRIGGS: You heard the man, sweetheart. Keep it short and safe.

 

The Offense enters the stadium. Unlike the outside, the inside is almost devoid of ice and snow, looking like it was freshly cleared.

 

CUTLER: This is more like it.

 

CPT. LOVIE: Talk to me, Forte.

 

FORTE (moving forward easily): All clear. I’m not getting much resistance.

 

CPT. LOVIE: What about you Bennett?

 

BENNETT: I’ve got some room to maneuver, sir. I’ve got room to rack up some big YAC.

 

CUTLER: That’s what your mom said.

 

URLACHER (to Cpt. Lovie): Something’s not right. I think it’s a trap, like they’re waiting for us.

 

In front of the Offense squad, there’s movement: fluttering figures moving quickly.

 

FORTE: Contact!

 

BENNETT: Ravens! They’re everywhere.

 

The Ravens appear and start swarming toward Cutler.

 

CUTLER: Get them off of me!

 

CPT. LOVIE (to the whole squad): Stick to the game plan! Controlled runs and short passes to the flats!

 

CUTLER: To hell with that, I’m throwing it!

 

Cutler chucks a pass toward Bennett, but the Ravens intercept it and charge the defense.

 

BRIGGS: What’s going on up there? Talk to me Cutler!

 

CUTLER: They’re coming right toward you! And they’ve got a live ball.

 

CPT. LOVIE: What? I controlled passes! Defense, I want you to fall back into a Cover 2.

 

The Ravens are flanking the defensive squad and overrunning them. Briggs can’t hear in all the commotion.

 

BRIGGS: Come again? You want us to full blitz two by two?

 

CPT. LOVIE: No, I want you to fall back into a Cover 2.

 

HARRIS: They’re going to score a touchdown.

 

There’s an explosion as the Ravens score. Cutler panics and throws again. The Ravens pick off his bomb and attack the defense again.

 

PEANUT: They’re coming at us on the ground and on the air. I can’t hold them. Aggh!!

 

CPT. LOVIE: Peanut? Peanut?! Briggs, what the hell is going on?

 

BRIGGS (breaking up): Play action! ... Too many turnovers! ... tiny running back with surprising strength!

 

FORTE: I lost the ball!

 

CUTLER: They’re all over my receivers!

 

CPT. LOVIE (staring blankly at the monitors): I told them to play Cover 2! I told them not to throw any bombs!

 

URLACHER (to Cpt. Lovie): Get them out of there, Lovie! (grabs Lovie’s headset.) Briggs, Cutler, get your squads back to the bus now!

 

FORTE: Where’s Briggs?

 

CUTLER (throwing another pass the Ravens pick off): I don’t know, but let’s get the Fox out of here!

 

They run back to the bus, the Ravens in hot pursuit. They barely make it on the door when Urlacher starts it up, the Ravens still trying to break in. Urlacher speeds away. He tries to get back to the drop ship, but it explodes.

 

CUTLER: That’s it man, game over! Game over!

 

URLACHER: Hang on, I just have to run out the clock.

 

He drives around in circles until the game finally ends. The Ravens retreat. Urlacher finds a safe place to park. He comes to the back of the bus.

 

URLACHER: Where’s the defense?

 

FORTE: (shocked) I don’t know ... they disappeared during the third quarter.

 

URLACHER: This is just devastating. I thought maybe we could finish the season strong.

 

CUTLER: Finish the season? Heck, we couldn’t finish the game. How are we going to play two more?

 

URLACHER: Well, I don’t care how, but we better think of something.

 

CUTLER: Think of what? We’re doomed here!

 

URLACHER: Shut up, Cutler!

 

ANGELO: Look, I know things seem bad, but it’s just two more games. One of them against the Lions. Let’s keep it together.

 

CUTLER: Hey, maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, pal, but we just got our behinds kicked! Again. Why are we even talking about this?

 

URLACHER: Cutler’s got a point. We can’t win with the personnel we have. We’re outmanned, outgunned, and outsmarted. We’ll finish these games, but then I say we get back to Halas Hall and nuke the whole team during the offseason. Start over.

 

CUTLER: Darn tootin’.

 

ANGELO: Hold on, hold on. This team has a substantial dollar amount attached to it. Ticket revenues, concessions, merchandising, TV contracts, not to mention guaranteed money to players. I’m not going to authorize that!

 

URLACHER: Maybe you should have thought about that before you traded away all our draft picks.

 

Urlacher starts up the bus.

 

URLACHER: We’ll radio in another drop ship and head back home to face the Vikings before we go to Detroit.

 

CUTLER: Detroit! Man, that’s worse than coming to Baltimore!

 

URLACHER: Yeah, well at least they’re not in a Playoff Hunt.

 

-- BRANDON TRISSLER--NFL.com